Quote:
Originally Posted by seowlang
Its not that I totally didn’t see it coming at all. I have suspected something wasn’t right when my wife began to go out with her colleagues very often after work since the beginning of last year. As we spend lesser and lesser time together due to our heavy work commitment, I do admit that things were going a little stale. We hardly talk even when we have the chance to be at home together. In the last few months, we have been quarreling over minute stuffs and her recent heavy spending on clothes and bags, something which she didn’t use to do.
Since our tiff last Saturday with her saying that she has lost feelings for me, I began to strongly suspect she could be seeing someone. Or am I thinking too much?
I sent a whatsapp msg to J on Sunday morning.
Me: “Your sis asked for a divorce last night. Do you know something that I don’t?”
J: “What!!! What did you do to her?”
I was infuriated by that statement.
M: “Is that how you always see me?? That I am always at fault and if anything goes wrong, it must be me?”
J: “ok ok.. I am sorry. Didn’t mean it that way. Was just shocked. I see if I can meet up with her later to find out”
J and I have been back on regular talking terms since the end of last year. I guess she has finally put our past behind. I even bumped into her once after work and we were for supper together, just the two of us. She has been very focus on her work, so much so that she didn’t even have time to be in a relationship after her breakoff with her boyfriend middle of last year. About an hour later, J whatsapp me again saying she is meeting her sis for dinner. J msg me again later that night before my wife came back.
J: ”Doesn’t look good. She said there is no love left in the marriage.” I was dumbfounded. This is absolutely crazy coming from my wife. She is the one that changed, not me. I continued providing for the family. I gave her everything she wanted. Why is this happening? Is this karma?
|
Bro seowlang, I just finished reading your story out of sheer curiosity but I am not going to say much because many of the bros and sis have given you words of encouragement/slashing and advice, whatever you may call it and I also know you are merely letting out your pent up emotions like your own personal journal.
I would take a neutral stand on this because I am not the actual person and neither will i condemn your actions because I believe despite you know that its wrong, as a human being you are made of flesh and blood and having feelings too.
I can only say, what goes round come round, in full circle aka karma as you have already quoted in your own post. and that you saw it coming...
However, I have also heard 2 other bros personal story on divorce... it is a strange thing on the women's part that I am quite somehow puzzled about.
The women in these 2 divorces seem to know something hence the change of their behaviour. the 1st instance is where this bro went for commercial sex for the 10 years out of his 12 year old marriage and his wife did not know but she had an affair and they ended up in divorced last year.
The 2nd case was this bro's wife had an affair with her boss after their 3rd year into marriage out of the 4 year old marriage, but he claimed that during the marriage he DID NOT FOOL around, provided for the family, but merely have paid sex INTERNATIONALLY in all the countries where he visited for his out station assignments with International FRs. they ended in a divorced last year and this pair had 2 little kids - 2yo and 4yo.
I have heard of too many instances of divorces since I started working in the mid 90s and wonder why the sudden change in the women's characters and attitudes. I have come to a conclusion that a women's intuition is very strong. They wouldn't change like the weather if they had not known something is amiss. On the surface it may seem the men had gone for commercial sex which legally speaking is it not cause for divorce but regardless, even it is a man having an affair with another woman, deep down inside their wives could feel somewhat amiss, betrayal which caused them to change later.
When your wife said there's no love in the marriage, it seems she already knew something wasn't right and she could no longer feel for you.
I admired your courage for putting yourself in such a mess and had to live through hell. And then again, I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes going through the rollercoaster of emotions and not knowing when this hurt/pain/uneasiness/loneliness is going to end.
As what everyone has advice you to move on, it is easier said than done. You decide now. You really have to pick up and make the change yourself and insist upon, sever ties with your SIL to end this chapter of your life... Love the memories, keep it. And since you have signed the divorced papers with your wife, and you know yourself that you are not going to gain anything out of it if this is to go on.
Your army buddy, Ah Keong is funny!!! Bro seowlang, you are now "retrenched"!!!
Yes, you are the financially stable old cham uncle, can sit alone and open a bottle everyday... u need a buddy to repeat your story, can call me!!! I am thirsty!!!! weather is HOT!!!
As what bro MarIswar said and quoted from Sam Hui's famous song 浪子心声 - 命里有时终须有, 命里无时莫强求...
for all you know, this turn of events is fated and is something you must live through it... something good and exciting may show up later... IF only you move on from this chapter of your life...
Best wishes to you!
I leave you with a song that I find the lyrics really meaningful.
想要跟你一起走到最后
但我遗失了地图
谁给谁束缚 谁比谁辛苦
爱到深处才会领悟
好的事情 最后虽然结束
感动十分 就有十分满足
谢谢你 是你陪我走过那些路
痛 是以后无法再给你幸福
好的事情 也许能够重复
感动时分 就算纷纷模糊
不要哭 至少你和我记得很清楚
爱 是为彼此祝福