Lunchtime was lonesome one without Dave. Then I got a text.
FIXED IT, AS GD AS!
HOME TMRW. CU 4
LUNCH. CAN'T WAIT.
Relieved and refreshed, hangover forgotten, I looked around me. Attempting to be scientific, trying to answer questions I'd been asking myself a while, I assessed the sexual attraction of my fellow canteen inhabitants.
Take note of my words: I assessed the sexual attraction of my fellow canteen inhabitants . . . in a scientific sort of a way.
Okay, so I majored in English Lit. I know infinitely more about George Eliot and the peerless Jane Austen than I'll ever know about Lister and Crick. But I could apply scientific principles. And (hopefully unobserved), I did.
First up was the canteen manager. Tall . . . 6' 4 at least . . . he has short-cropped ginger hair and looks quite athletic. Not athletic enough to pass, though. Dismissing him as unfit for purpose, I moved on.
3 female canteen staff. The youngest is blonde, bubbly, and decidedly attractive. Almost certainly straight, she gets picked up by her boyfriend outside work every day. Not bad at all, I concluded. No way would I kick her out of bed.
(A brief aside: in my neck of the woods the statement, "I wouldn't kick her out of bed," is used in more ways than one, ranging from admitting sincere admiration to curmudgeonly implying any girl would do in a pinch. I, of course, use it sincerely.)
Next in age is Debs, who might be twenty-five. Debs looks a bit like Christina Aguilera and probably has an active sex life. Also not bad. I wouldn't kick her out either.
The 3rd one, Becky, is maybe 28 with a mane of black curls. She's on the short side and has a figure I'd describe as "dumpy". She has, however, eyes like blue diamonds and tits which enter a room minutes before the rest of her.
Mmmm, mmmm, I thought, Becks is better than a bit of all right.
Then I shook my head. In my tiny little word I was only allowed to fancy Dave. Men didn't count and girls shouldn't feature at all.
I'm only doing what-ifs, I told myself sternly. It's fun and completely harmless . . .
Determined to complete my preliminary research, I cast around the dining hall, assessing everyone, male and female, young and old, storing the results in my head.