Quote:
Originally Posted by teerapong
for everyone here, maybe you have different problems with each other. I'm just sharing my story.
I have been married to my wife for 10 years. We have not had baby. We have tried everything. insemination, IVF, various other treatments.
I thought about divorcing because we felt empty when we didn't have baby. and until now who knows how many times the IVF process has failed. draining emotions and money.
Until one day, when I saw my wife having to undergo an injection process and it was very painful, I realized. My wife is also tormented and sick, she also wants to have baby, not just me. It would be very selfish if I divorced because I don't have baby. Finally I decided to surrender and enjoy the current situation. True marriage is about loving each other whatever the conditions.
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A lot of things in life is like that, the more you try the more you don't get. The moment you stop bothering to try actively for something, suddenly it happens for you.
Share my own personal story about my parents. My parents were married for more than 10 years before managing to conceive me. During that period of time they both tried everything short of doing IVF. Couldn't figure out whose body was the infertile one or the one that had fertility issues. I really respected my dad for sticking it out with my mum all throughout those years not just because it was a love marriage for him and my mum, but because he was doing it in the face of what frankly was very spiteful and callous treatment by his own mother (my fraternal side grandmother) who was telling him off for marrying a woman who couldn't give him a son or a child, and at various points in that 10+ years...
1) Attempting to psycho my dad to divorce my mum for other hopefully fertile women
2) Take a concubine/mistress and conceive a child with them whilst staying married to what would by then be his main/first wife (like some sort of Chinese imperial palace drama BS)
or worst of all...
3) Saying that he and his infertile wife could adopt one of their nephews or nieces to be their legal child (despite those nephews/nieces' parents both being still alive and capable of raising them well).
In the end after 10+ years my parents gave up trying and just accepted that they might be childless after all and finally booked their honeymoon to NZ, complete with polar/winter cruise. Guess what? They found out a few months before the trip that they finally had me, all natural conception no medication no TCM no IVF no nothing.
I've no doubt though that after I was born my parents basically had a sexless marriage out of just sheer exhaustion and being all done with sex for procreation purposes. I can barely remember any times my parents were ever physically affectionate in front of me beyond hand holding, and probably only one or two times my dad even bought my mum flowers. Our family dynamic was very stormy and difficult throughout my childhood years all the way to adulthood when I finally sort-of left the family nest by going abroad for uni. But all this time they still stuck through their marriage to the present day as life partners.
It's not a stretch to say that for my family and my parents' marriage the following saying is true: "这个家,有义没有情" (this family/home has duty but no love/sentimentality). We're who we are to each other because of duty and legal status, but there's little love lost and no sentimentality to speak of even between my parents as husband and wife.
Somehow me and my parents we make it work the way it does, but it's not something that people should be emulating by any means. Certainly it's left me very much emotionally stunted and ironically finding love and familial ties/relationships with extended family difficult to comprehend and understand compared to other people (one of a few other reasons why I struggle to hold down romantic relationships). Growing up in a nuclear family held together by duty makes me very independent and a solo lone ranger, but I tell you one thing it's a very much sad and lonely an existence.